We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one might say we're banned from that church
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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