She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
