I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
