He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
