Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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