Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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