my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
