Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
