Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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