Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
