I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
