you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
