oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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