just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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