I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
