My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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