Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
