I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
