they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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