$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
