I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
