jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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