Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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