i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
