Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
