I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
