We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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