so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
