he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
