Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
