if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
