I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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