So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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