I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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