I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
