i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
