we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
