Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
