Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
