I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
