just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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