singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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