instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
