hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
