I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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