My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
