People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
