You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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