i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
