I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
