the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
