you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
